Salurian Brandy
by JosephineLL
Summary: Archer, Trip, and Reed try out some spirits a visiting alien gave them. 12.23.01 Punctuation errors fixed


Title: Salurian Brandy  
  
Author: Josephine  
  
Rating: R - for language, drunkenness, and just to be on the safe side.  
  
Genre: Humor/Parody  
  
Summary: Archer, Trip, and Reed try out some spirits a visiting alien gave them.  
  
Notes: A rousing good time for all.  
  
Disclaimer: Paramount owns the Trek dance hall; I like to conduct the band once in awhile.  
  
  
  
"Wheeeeeeeeee doggies!" Trip put his feet up on Archer's desk. "Ahm *torn up! What was this stuff en'way?" He peered into his glass. The alcohol made his accent thick as the shielding on the warp core.  
  
"Righty-o old chap, pip pip, what?" Reed hiccupped. He was not much more coherent.  
  
Trip threw a piece of cheese at Reed.  
  
"Salurian Brandy." Archer peered into his own glass. "Phlox said it was fine for humans."  
  
He frowned at the piece of cheese lying on the deck. Porthos belly-crawled over, trying to look inconspicuous, and ate it.  
  
"It's making me feel reeeal fine, Cap'n! I think what this party needs is some fe-mi-nine type people!" Trip looked around. "Where th' women at?!?"  
  
"Righty-o old chap, pip pip, what?"  
  
Trip threw another piece of cheese, which hit Reed right between the eyes, bouncing off to land in Porthos' mouth.  
  
"Wheeeeeeee doggies! I *am the greatest!" Trip raised his fists.  
  
"Whom do you want?" Archer carefully pronounced the words. "T'Pol? Hoshi?"  
  
"Too fridg'd. Too mousy." Trip dismissed both women.  
  
"Ah know!" Trip looked at Archer.  
  
"Mary Sue!" They said together, cheering and high-fiving each other.  
  
"Righty-o old chap, pip pip, what?" Reed took another slug and held out his glass for more brandy.  
  
Archer moved the cheese before Trip could throw another one. Trip pouted, then threw a cracker at Reed. Porthos ate that too.  
  
"Call'er in here Cap'n! Tell her to bring some friends!" Trip refilled Archer and Reed's glasses.  
  
Archer moved over to the comm. "Lieutenant Mary Sue Freebush, please come to the Captain's ready room."  
  
"Cause we are READY!!" Trip drank some more.  
  
Archer broke into a fit of the giggles.  
  
"Righty-o old chap, pip pip, what?"  
  
Trip threw a piece of ice.  
  
"Captain." A soft voice came over the comm.  
  
Archer cleared his throat. "Yes, Lieutenant?"  
  
"I just got out of the shower, will you give me a few minutes?"  
  
"Wheeeeeeeee doggies!! Girl, come on down!!!"  
  
Archer kicked Trip. "Certainly, my dear, I mean, Lieutenant," his voice broke.  
  
"Naked Lieutenant Mary Sue Freebush!! Mah cup runneth over!" Trip picked up the bottle and proceeded to do just that.  
  
"Righty-o old chap, pip pip, what?"  
  
Porthos looked up hopefully. A cocktail weenie was his reward.  
  
The door chime rang. The men jumped.  
  
"Bring her on!" Trip salivated.  
  
"Come!" Archer's voice broke again.  
  
"Captain, I have finished the survey of the ion cloud we passed by ---"  
  
"AHHHHH! The Ice Bitch!" Trip fell off his chair trying to get away as Reed hid behind Archer.  
  
T'Pol raised an eyebrow, looking at the two empty bottles of Salurian Brandy and the one left to go. "Indeed. Have you taken the hangover pills Dr. Phlox sent up?"  
  
"Hangover pills?!? For God's sake, woman, we want something that will prevent a hangover, not give us one! We already have the brandy for that!" Archer made cuckoo motions by his head, rolling his eyes at Trip.  
  
T'Pol sighed, barely. "The pills will prevent a hangover, Captain. They are on your desk. I suggest you take one now."  
  
"Is that what these are? They should be called hangover prevention pills then." Archer started struggling with the cap.  
  
"Hang-Over Prevention Pills! HOPP!" Trip burst out. "I need a HOPP! Come on, baby, give me a hop!" He leered at T'Pol.  
  
She took the bottle from Archer, opened it; then left without saying a word.  
  
"I don't think she likes me, Cap'n." Trip looked mulish.  
  
"What's not to like? " Archer clapped Trip on the shoulder. "You're a fine figure of a man."  
  
"Righty-o old chap, pip pip, what?" Reed had a little difficulty getting back into his chair, as the dip that was thrown at him covered the seat. That and the fact that Porthos was trying to lick the dip off both the seat of the chair and the seat of his pants.  
  
Trip gave Archer a funny look. "Where th'hell is that Lieutenant?" Trip finished his drink and filled his glass, topping off Archer's and Reed's.  
  
"Let's sing a sea-faring ("Star-faring" Trip inserted) song while we wait, men!" Archer struck what he thought was a noble pose. Reed giggled. "As the Captain of this fine, sea-worthy ("Star-worthy") vessel, I propose we start off with a rousing rendition of ---"  
  
"Barnacle Bill the Sailor!" Trip launched into the first stanza, Reed not far behind. Archer looked miffed, then shrugged and began singing.  
  
Lieutenant Mary Sue Freebush rang the chime to the Captain's ready room. She heard a muffled "Come!" The door opened to the sight of Archer mumbling to himself, passed out in the Captain's chair, Trip snoring on one end of the couch, and Reed curled up in a ball on the other end, sucking his thumb. Porthos stood on the desk, having finished off the cheese and starting in on the cocktail weenies. 


End file.
